To the present and beyond.
Saw the psychiatrist yesterday. He and I talked and I decided I like him. The "problem" that makes me feel bad everyday is a different one which tells me that it's not real. The problem isn't there. But the fear is. Fear of what?
Fear of waterslides!
You ever been on one of those things? They're fast! And you can only go one at a time in some of them, which I think is terribly lonely! I want my wife on the slider thing with me and in slider things around me I want my friends and family. And every so often someone absolutely must wink at me knowingly like, "It's cool." Then at the end, there's God saying "Get out of the way! There's more people sliding through. And then we all have cheese fries." "Cheese fries? I don't like cheese fries." "I was just testing you. You just exerted your freedom! Good job!" "What's the point of that?" "No point. Just do what you want and invite who you please and if they aren't here, make them up and I'll make them real." "You mean I have to decide what I want to do?" "Yes. Or you won't do anything." "What if I decide not to do anything." "Everybody's got to take a break sometimes. You've got all the time there is. Sit there forever if you want. There'll still be more forever after that. Let me know if you need anything." "I need peace and love in my heart." "There you go."
And I hate dogs!
They bark and bark and growl and make the muscles in you back tense up. Also you feel like you're having a heart attack some of the time. I don't know why those dogs won't just let me enjoy myself.
And I don't like being lost.
Because then you don't know who you are or where you are or why you are. It just occured to me that I'm on the el going downtown to work at a bank with a bunch of other spiritual seekers when it has just become painfully obvious that I don't want to work. I just want to bang on the drum all day. Seriously. I'm going to fuck around until I'm tired of fucking around and then I'll keep doing it. Building patterns, riding trains of thought and then twisting them at the end or in the middle so that nobody forgets that it could happen. I don't know what it is, but I have it and a lot of people don't. Even on the spiritual plane, I'm just not a 9 to 5er.
I heard that since the universe expands infinitely in every direction and time also expands infinitely in every direction that we're all in the center of the universe, which feels like the protection of a fluffy comforter when you're in the right mindset. When you're in the wrong mind set, you could feel trapped or drowning or falling uncontrollably.
And also don't forget:
I am he as you are me and you are she and we are all together.
So hello me. Nice to meet me. Strange how different than me you look but it's nice to bump into you again. Why certainly, I tip my hat to you. Do you like my new outfit. You look simply splendid. How many dwarves in drag did it take to tighten your corset? Oh you don't know what a corset is, you're just like that?
To the present.
Fear of waterslides!
You ever been on one of those things? They're fast! And you can only go one at a time in some of them, which I think is terribly lonely! I want my wife on the slider thing with me and in slider things around me I want my friends and family. And every so often someone absolutely must wink at me knowingly like, "It's cool." Then at the end, there's God saying "Get out of the way! There's more people sliding through. And then we all have cheese fries." "Cheese fries? I don't like cheese fries." "I was just testing you. You just exerted your freedom! Good job!" "What's the point of that?" "No point. Just do what you want and invite who you please and if they aren't here, make them up and I'll make them real." "You mean I have to decide what I want to do?" "Yes. Or you won't do anything." "What if I decide not to do anything." "Everybody's got to take a break sometimes. You've got all the time there is. Sit there forever if you want. There'll still be more forever after that. Let me know if you need anything." "I need peace and love in my heart." "There you go."
And I hate dogs!
They bark and bark and growl and make the muscles in you back tense up. Also you feel like you're having a heart attack some of the time. I don't know why those dogs won't just let me enjoy myself.
And I don't like being lost.
Because then you don't know who you are or where you are or why you are. It just occured to me that I'm on the el going downtown to work at a bank with a bunch of other spiritual seekers when it has just become painfully obvious that I don't want to work. I just want to bang on the drum all day. Seriously. I'm going to fuck around until I'm tired of fucking around and then I'll keep doing it. Building patterns, riding trains of thought and then twisting them at the end or in the middle so that nobody forgets that it could happen. I don't know what it is, but I have it and a lot of people don't. Even on the spiritual plane, I'm just not a 9 to 5er.
I heard that since the universe expands infinitely in every direction and time also expands infinitely in every direction that we're all in the center of the universe, which feels like the protection of a fluffy comforter when you're in the right mindset. When you're in the wrong mind set, you could feel trapped or drowning or falling uncontrollably.
And also don't forget:
I am he as you are me and you are she and we are all together.
So hello me. Nice to meet me. Strange how different than me you look but it's nice to bump into you again. Why certainly, I tip my hat to you. Do you like my new outfit. You look simply splendid. How many dwarves in drag did it take to tighten your corset? Oh you don't know what a corset is, you're just like that?
To the present.
posted by Churchill at 12:49 PM
5 Comments:
Hey, I'm in your apartment again. It smells like Churchill in here...Why do I come over here just to talk to you electronically? Remember a time when you and I were in a van on our way to our destiny. We didn't get into that improv group but we later got into some pretty good pajamas and had a party. On stage. Then we lived in the same neighborhood but now we don't. Still. Here I am at your computer again. Where are you?
Oh.
You're behind me. But not in a sexual way.
Your head hurts. My heart hurts. But we're still damn funny. And gosh darn it, people like Us.
you may be me. and i may be you. but i still dont want you wearing my underpants. im serious this time.
I still think you need to define "God" and the concept of heaven and hell.
Burt that's just me...
I mean "But" not "Burt"
Dont we ALL, when we are truly honest with ourselves, mean Burt?
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