Four days, three nights. Day one. Pt. two.
So, thankfully, after not being able to read all flight (even though the magazine was in my hand, CurbJob Brimley kept pointing out the obvious) the flight landed. As we were taxiing there were beautiful tree-covered mountains all around us and "Look, a hawk!" and "That was a parakeet! Just flying around down here!"
Stepped off the flight directly onto the runway and it smelled beautiful. Smelled like the last week of school when the P.E. teacher says she's got nothing in particular planned to do so "Go crazy!" or maybe it was Field Day. That's the smell. It was field day and I was just about to do the gunny sack race. And I was gonna get a blue ribbon. That's what Ixtapa-Zihuatenejo airport smells like.
We go through customs and head to the bus. Little Mexican boys scurrying for a couple bucks to get our bags. They were so what I expected to be helping me with my bags that I was happy to tip these little guys. Then we get on the bus. I'm a tour guide so I was very attentive to our tour guide. His name was Jorge De La Vega (the only full name I'll remember). He spoke in a really cool broken english. He was doing his tour guide thing kind of like a struggling stand-up. He would tell you something informative and deliver a punchline and then if the punchline didn't get a big laugh he would quickly find a way to incorporate the word "party" into a sentence so we would all laugh and cheer. Tourists are supposed to be stupid. I gladly fell in line.
We passed all sorts of neighborhood stores and one strip club called kisses. Jorge said it was where all the ugly girls were. This made all the old women, travelling with their husbands, laugh. There were amazing old houses all over the mountain sides. The hills that we had to wind our tour bus through to get to the driveways of the hotels were really tight. Good driver.
Finally we arrive at the hotel and the tipping begins again. Two bucks for this guy. Abuck for this one. If this hadn't been a free trip for me, I might have been a loser jerk and complained (as I do when I get nervous). But instead it was pretty comical. At one point I tipped a stray cat. Seemed appreciative.
We waited in line for check-in and there was free beer handed out. Ah yes, all-inclusive. We could see the waves crashing on the beach which was just about 200 yards past the swimming pool. A lot of swim suits. Not as many attactive people as you'd hope but still there were some.
So check into the room. Go get free lunch. Go drink for free. Swim. Fight the waves. Come back to the pool. Swim. Drink. Swim. Drink. Drink.
Meeting at 3:30PM. where Angel will tell us about the different activities.
Now you're not going to believe this but there was another, entirely different, annoying guy in the meeting with us. T-shirt with sleeves cut-off. Bushy moustache (what is it with bushy moustaches and being a jerk? Is there a scientifically traceable correlation?). Bright orange baseball cap. Some kind of fish on front, I think. At first he was quiet but then he revved up. You see, this city in Mexico and I'm sure a lot of tourist destinations are very kind and accomodating to take American money. No real need to have many pesos. So Angel kept mentioning when it was good to have pesos or American dollars. Moustache holds up his hand. "Why don't you guys just switch to American money?" Uncomfortable laugh from Angel. The audience squirms.
Later, after a long list of very exciting and interesting tour options, "Show us something fun."
So, we hated him. We named him Derrick (I was picturing it spelled, "Derek") and avoided him all vacation. Which was easy because he was the one who never removed his bright orange baseball cap. For any reason. It may have been his hair, I don't know.
Day one goes on, swimming, drinking, laying out. Julie Abrahamsen develops big headache. We all nap. In the evening a fiesta at the resort. Music and traditional dancing from all the different states of Mexico. Free food. Crafts to buy. Julie couldn't come out so John joined us. We hung out until we were tired and ended day one.
(Later Julie woke up and John and her walked the beach at night)
Stepped off the flight directly onto the runway and it smelled beautiful. Smelled like the last week of school when the P.E. teacher says she's got nothing in particular planned to do so "Go crazy!" or maybe it was Field Day. That's the smell. It was field day and I was just about to do the gunny sack race. And I was gonna get a blue ribbon. That's what Ixtapa-Zihuatenejo airport smells like.
We go through customs and head to the bus. Little Mexican boys scurrying for a couple bucks to get our bags. They were so what I expected to be helping me with my bags that I was happy to tip these little guys. Then we get on the bus. I'm a tour guide so I was very attentive to our tour guide. His name was Jorge De La Vega (the only full name I'll remember). He spoke in a really cool broken english. He was doing his tour guide thing kind of like a struggling stand-up. He would tell you something informative and deliver a punchline and then if the punchline didn't get a big laugh he would quickly find a way to incorporate the word "party" into a sentence so we would all laugh and cheer. Tourists are supposed to be stupid. I gladly fell in line.
We passed all sorts of neighborhood stores and one strip club called kisses. Jorge said it was where all the ugly girls were. This made all the old women, travelling with their husbands, laugh. There were amazing old houses all over the mountain sides. The hills that we had to wind our tour bus through to get to the driveways of the hotels were really tight. Good driver.
Finally we arrive at the hotel and the tipping begins again. Two bucks for this guy. Abuck for this one. If this hadn't been a free trip for me, I might have been a loser jerk and complained (as I do when I get nervous). But instead it was pretty comical. At one point I tipped a stray cat. Seemed appreciative.
We waited in line for check-in and there was free beer handed out. Ah yes, all-inclusive. We could see the waves crashing on the beach which was just about 200 yards past the swimming pool. A lot of swim suits. Not as many attactive people as you'd hope but still there were some.
So check into the room. Go get free lunch. Go drink for free. Swim. Fight the waves. Come back to the pool. Swim. Drink. Swim. Drink. Drink.
Meeting at 3:30PM. where Angel will tell us about the different activities.
Now you're not going to believe this but there was another, entirely different, annoying guy in the meeting with us. T-shirt with sleeves cut-off. Bushy moustache (what is it with bushy moustaches and being a jerk? Is there a scientifically traceable correlation?). Bright orange baseball cap. Some kind of fish on front, I think. At first he was quiet but then he revved up. You see, this city in Mexico and I'm sure a lot of tourist destinations are very kind and accomodating to take American money. No real need to have many pesos. So Angel kept mentioning when it was good to have pesos or American dollars. Moustache holds up his hand. "Why don't you guys just switch to American money?" Uncomfortable laugh from Angel. The audience squirms.
Later, after a long list of very exciting and interesting tour options, "Show us something fun."
So, we hated him. We named him Derrick (I was picturing it spelled, "Derek") and avoided him all vacation. Which was easy because he was the one who never removed his bright orange baseball cap. For any reason. It may have been his hair, I don't know.
Day one goes on, swimming, drinking, laying out. Julie Abrahamsen develops big headache. We all nap. In the evening a fiesta at the resort. Music and traditional dancing from all the different states of Mexico. Free food. Crafts to buy. Julie couldn't come out so John joined us. We hung out until we were tired and ended day one.
(Later Julie woke up and John and her walked the beach at night)
posted by Churchill at 8:40 AM
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