God versus God.

I must express a bit of remorse tonight. It seems that I've become increasingly more testy with my good friend, yin to my yang, Cain to my Abel (I think) Chris Hauser. I feel that I've been very rude to this guy since I've been mentally ill. And the reason is this...(He doesn't get on the internet often so I'm sure I'll talk to him before he reads this)

I want my fairy tale science fiction to be more true than his fairy tale science fiction. My God versus his God in a battle royal with no time or space limit. I'm so scared inside my brain so often that when somebody starts to convince me of something I can't take, I flip out and start to panic. Now I don't want to be forced to panic any more than I do when I'm just sitting still thinking about spiralling shapes and watching the moments angrilly tick by.

I think I figured out that my fixation with time and memories may have much to do with guilt and remorse surrounding those people and things that I feel that I've left in my past. I think I've got some object permanence issues. Yep that's right, sociologists out there. I think that Peek-a-Boo works really well on me. If I can't remember you, you don't exist. If you go around the corner, you don't exist. Oh there you are. How pleasant to see you again--DON'T LEAVE ME!! There you are, ahhhh.

Blarney Stone.