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Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Sitting at Dominick's trying not to do anything.

Sometimes you want to do anything but what you're supposed to be doing.
I have to pee. I'm not going to do it. I can hold it for years. A lot of people think I'm overweight. I won't be if I ever pee. Just watch. I assume I'll just fly around the bathroom like a balloon that just sprung a leak.
I also need to eat. But I'd rather not. It just makes me mad. I don't really like food. I just like eating. But as soon as I realized that, I started not to enjoy eating either. Don't get me wrong. I'm not anorexic. If I was anorexic, I would be the worst anorexic you've ever tried to pick up and and carry to an Old Country Buffet. I just eat instead of washing dishes or cleaning or showering or calling loved ones. I don't particularly enjoy most occasions when I eat. It's just that eating is a little seratonin bump that isn't as scary as actually doing something important.
Besides, if I eat, I'm just going to have to go to the bathroom sooner than I wanted to. (If you ever hear of a man exploding in downtown Chicago without any explosives being present, you know what happened. I waited too long to go to the restroom.)
I've heard the expression, "Do one thing every day that scares you." Well, earlier today I ate a green bean. That should do it.
Well, look out everybody. I just heard a creaking sound from the stretch marks on my stomach. I think this could be trouble.
Later.