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An interesting thing is seeming to happen to me. All those books about how the laws of the universe work and what God's doing and how quantum physics and spirituality are very close to the same thing are losing their luster in my eyes. Suddenly, I'm becoming more interested in the game of "My Life" which includes going back to school, watching television, playing trivia, driving a trolley (when the work is there), and (oddly enough) limitted doses of pop-culture. It's weird to purposefully re-wrap yourself up in the stuff you thought you were too smart for previously.
Don't get me wrong. I'm going to get around to finishing those Dalai Lama books. Because he laughs a lot. And so do I when all is normal with me. And I'm going to get around to my back log of Discover and Scientific American magazines that I have strewn about my apartment. However, I will be doing so with much less zeal than before. You know why? Because after nearly three weeks of dealing with this latest anxiety/depression episode, it occured to me that I don't really need to know why or how the universe works...just that it does and that the reason I'm in it is to be in it not to try my hardest to be on the outside looking in.
Sorry this post isn't funny. I'm just feeling sober and I'm enjoying the calmness of my apartment this morning as I'm writing this.
I should be back to posting more regularly pretty soon.

Workin' it out! Here's how it is!

Here's how it is:

Infinity. Extends in every direction from you. That makes you the middle of the universe.
Eternity. Extends in both directions from you. That makes you the middle of time.
So now do you feel special, you whiner? You're in the center of everything and you're all, "boo-hoo. I can't drive a trolley anymore today."
Oh and don't worry about God feeling bad because he's been around forever and should be bored out of his mind by now.
God doesn't feel happy or sad. That's human stuff. God just is. And God is Love. Love can laugh, but it doesn't have to. Love can cry but it doesn't need to. Love is simply in control and that's why live by those rules in our relationships. Except my friend Santa. Santa has found a loophole and lives in complete indifference, which is admirable...if only for the sheer effort it must take to be indifferent the suffering of that puppy that's tangled in your back hair. Please, Santa, let me help the puppy!
And as far as feeling insignificant goes? Think of this. The scientists believe that parallel universes really exist and they are infinite. And that means that everytime you make someone laugh, you make an infinite number of people laugh.
Also, you're probably affecting those out there who may have six noses and ambulate with bounces on a wet blobby appendage because they have something kind of like that where they're from.

Don't worry about losing track of your friends or family in the great beyond. You're entangled by your own interest in them. That's why people who believe in Heaven go there. Others go to Chucky Cheese or that Barnes and Noble on Touhy. You're outside of time picking and choosing pieces of infinity and eternity that interests you and yours and theirs with the blobby appendage.

So now I feel better.
Wellbutrin. I'm losing weight, I'm sleeping 4 hours a night, and I'm able to work some shit out!