Going to Mexico.

I lucidly dream of Mexico.
The lucid porpoises dream of me.
Let me guide your porpoises south of Calexico
Through the Sea of Me, my Lucidity.

When I get back, I'm signing up for my Annoyance level III class.
Because I love Susan Messing, I will try to get into her class.

I'm hurrying to an audition now.
Please all try to keep up the comments.
I'll see you all soon.

On not getting called back...

What's up fuckers?
(I mean that in the nicest of ways) Chris and I recently auditioned (seperately) for the Second City Touring company (or Tourco, or Rejecto...) Last night we went out with some friends from work and enjoyed the pleasure of not being called back. As well as the pleasure of a few drinks, hot comforting pub food and the laughter of our mutual ne'er-do-wells.
All in all it was a pleasant way to spend a rejection. If only all rejections were so warmly presented. I would like it if every time I didn't get hired for a job, or didn't get called back for that second date (Second? Ha! There are no First Dates in Scott's life) a bunch of my favorite people would take me out and remind me of the oft forgotten fact that some people actually do want me around. Albeit in small doses...Not a short joke, Chris. I swear I will cut you. (cut you joke provided by amy sumpter)
Maybe the secret to enjoying life, or at least enjoying yourself, is to cherish the little things. To stop and smell the proverbial roses. Have a beer with your friends, curl up with a good book, watch your favorite movie for the one-hundreth time, and remember that good things do happen to good people...and you are good....

Jesus fucking Christ what a pile of reeking dogshit that was.

Second City can suck my hairy balls.

I'll be back next year, Fuck-O's!!

Chris, have fun in Mexico, I'll be in my apartment drinking and masturbating. Frequently.

Love to all the little chicadees who read this blog, of which I am now a surly contributor. Rock it.

Scott

The Good Thing About Bad Things.

So, as I tend to do, I worked up an entire unnecessary scenario in my head whereby I would need to miss my flight to Mexico Friday morning to make the Second City callback audition later that day and then go the next morning at 1:45 AM for $500 on a 12 hour flight that makes one stop in Mexico City where I would be arrested and held for ransom by the Mexico City police.
Luckily, I wasn't called back.
I was getting advice from people about what to do. What things to weigh when making my decision. How important is the audition? How important is the vacation? How important is the marriage? Stuff like that. I was going through what I wanted to say to the person from Second City that would call me to request my presense at the callback so that I might still be asked to come back to a later audition. I had some pretty good pick up lines for Second City: "Hey, why don't you just skip the audition. We all know I'm more talented than everyone you saw. Check out the resume', baby! You saw the audition, sweet cheeks! You can drop the formality with me. Listen, I'm gonna go to Mexico for a few days and you, you are gonna think about me while I'm gone and ultimately you are gonna decide you really want to see a lot more of me. Ciao, baby!"
Luckily, I wasn't called back.
I was thinking about how I might not have fun in Mexico if I blew my chance to come to a call back audition at Second City. Moping on the beach. Drinking the water on purpose. Crying and hugging a dolphin in the dolphin area. The dolphin then invites me to follow him to his wonderful village in the sea where all the sad people can learn to live and breathe underwater, happily.
Luckily, I wasn't called back.
But I'm still really proud of my audition. I didn't really lock up too much. I got big laughs. The only problem was that all my scenes seemed a little confrontational and adversarial. I only gave them conflict really...so that wasn't so good. But overall, I think I did really well.
I wonder if any of my friends got called back.
What I'm really enjoying right now is writing something and then coming back to the blog later to see what the blog is advertising. (By the way, if you're reading this, click the ads. I might get money. Don't go crazy though. Don't be shady.)
So now, just to see what ads pop-up on my blogpage, I'd like to mention the following things:
Erectile dysfunction doesn't suprise heroin addicted psychics!
The rainforest is hiding the secret to Area 51.
The FBI knows which pornography you're using.
Steroids in baseball are killing tsunami victims.

Okay. Let's see what ads we get.

Would Don Hall please stop standing near my travel route?

I'm currently in rehearsals for a Woody Allen play called "God". It's a play that originally wasn't supposed to be performed anywhere outside of the New York area. Well we're in Chicago and we're making it a Chicago friendly show. Basically, this is (to be completely honest) based on a Woody Allen play called "God". I'm all for this approach to doing this show which is a little too "dated" and "New York" to be funny in 2005 Chicago if we didn't approach it this way. So it's a lot of improvising within this show which is good for me. You see, I've been knocked unconscious and had concussions at least twice in my life (if there were more occasions, I, for obvious reasons, don't remember them). Therefore, I'm not very good at remembering stuff. Which is a small handicap for an actor.
The director of the show is Don Hall. He runs WNEP theater and my heart (that's in case he's reading this). He's done a lot of really well-received stuff here in Chicago. He's attained a certain level of renown within the town. But when I say that, that might lead people to believe that he might have his own ride to all the rehearsals for the shows he's involved in. Well, he doesn't have a ride. If anybody wants to pick him up, he'll be standing somewhere on Damen avenue on the northside. I have now happened upon this unassuming figure at busstops at least three times.
Now for those of you who would also like to pick up Don Hall, I have some advice. I found tonight that there's a drawing done by a grade school student at St. Alphonsus school of Thurgood Marshall that looks just like Don Hall. So if you can get ahold of that drawing and look at it while you're driving up and down Damen looking for Don Hall, maybe you'll find him and give him a ride. In return, he'll direct a show for you. It's this "will direct for a ride" trend has gotten Don into the position of being very busy because now he's directing a show based on some rambling by a cab driver and also one that's entirely based on conspiracy theories spouted by the homeless that sleep on the bus. So, if you have an idea for a show that would fit into the category of "What Nobody Else Produces", Don will.
Because he needs a ride somewhere.

Semi-bummers.

The good news is: the wife is back in town safely, I had an audition for the Second City Touring company that I think went really well and Cathy and I are going on a vacation at the end of the week to Ixtapa Mexico for free. The bad news: If my audition goes well enough, they call me back for a further audition but that audition is on the day that I begin my vacation which was booked long before the info for the audition was given and (of course) is prohibitively expensive to change at all. Therefore, I have to wish against my own success so that I don't have to waste an opportunity OR I wish for my success, knowing that I must waste this really good audition that I (feel like I) had and wait until next year, hoping that they'll be chomping at the bit to hire me next time. I also hear that if they like you, they sometimes hold extra, private auditions...maybe that'll work out one day.
Chances are that the call back won't happen and not necessarily because I had a bad audition but just because I'm not what they're looking for this time, so it probably won't even come up. But I'm good at working myself up.
I just had my last Annoyance AP II class (improv class) tonight. I like everyone in my class. They hall have their own charm and talent. I'm hoping that many of us end up in the same level III class.
I have to suggest that everyone go to www.lindsaymuscato.com because she's one of my new friends in class and I used to speak about her site all the time to our classmates. When she heard about this blog, she put a link to it on her website. Then, I promptly fell off the lindsaywagon and have managed to not look at her site for like five days or something like that. So I'm going back tonight.
So...let's all hope that Second City says, "Let's hire that Churchill right now. No call back necessary."

I have precognitive dreams.

For the past four or five years, I've been having dreams that warn me of what to expect on a given day (or, at the very least, they show me that there's "something else" in the universe other than the physical). Generally the dreams are symbolic and emotionally accurate. After four years of practice, I'm able to decipher them well enough. The thing is, if the dream is really seeing the future but the future is shown perfectly so that the person having the dream is absolutely sure of the future, then the dreamer can then behave differently and specifically change the future and therefore change the dream that he had in the first place which then changes the behavior after the dream again and this just goes around in circles until finally the universe realizes that only a vague picture of the future with just enough information to understand the dream after the events that it forecasted happened will allow the existence of the dream at all.
That is to say, there is an accuracy limit on pre-cognitive dreams and visions. If you are able to change it, and you try to change it, then the dream (the warning you got in the first place) disappears from your life and you then CANT change it.
That's why psychics can't get anything perfectly and why they only sound good after the fact.
So, a dream can't tell you what to do. It can only prepare you emotionally for what's ahead.
The best a psychic vision or dream can do is offer options of what might happen but never declare what will happen.
I am naked at 3AM and I'm typing about psychic dreams. Weird. Psychic dreams follow the same type of cause and effect laws that Marty McFly had to follow in Back to the Future. The dream is the time traveller from 1985 and the dreamer is the year 1955. The dream affects the dreamer (1955) which inturn changes Marty McFly in 1985 so that he's got a nice truck and successful parents.
Everybody follow me.
Yep. I'm naked. And I'm fat. And I think I need to trim some stuff.
So the dream I had this morning was that I woke up and saw my wife (who I knew was still in Kansas City) in my living room. I just assumed that since she wasn't supposed to be there yet that she was a ghost. So I said, "Oh no, that means you're a ghost!" To which she replied, "No. I just had to come in this morning." Then we went into the bathroom and I hugged her and cried with relief that she wasn't dead.
Then I woke up.
So what did that have to do with anything.
Later today, I called my wife on her cel phone in KC and I told her the dream. She said, "Oh well maybe that has to do with what's going on right now. Bob and Mary might not be able to make their connecting flight and so they'll have to take a later flight and I'll have to stay one more night in Kansas City and fly in in the morning."
Knowing how my post-snooze alarm dreams are pre-cognitive and symbolic and knowing what I had previously thought it might mean ( that she might be a ghost), I was relieved that the message was just that she might have to arrive in the morning.
But Bob and Mary made it to their flight after all and Cathy made it to hers.
I have a big stomach.

And the Smell was! And the winner is!

Well, blog we've all been waiting for is here.
After much consideration I have narrowed it down to two "winners"...And then I've narrowed it down further.
It seems that Becca came close with the forgotten potatoes remark. But Julia also was close with the water in the crisper. But then Becca came in with a remark where she whittled down Julia's massive opening entry, with upwards of 15 guesses in it, to the one that (when combined with her opening guess) was the closest. So what's somewhere in between old forgotten vegetables in a cupboard and old veggie water in a crisper?
Old steamed broccoli water. It was hidden in the pot that the broccoli was steamed in underneath the upper part where the broccoli sits while it's being steamed (I don't know what that's called). When I saw it, the water was flourescent green like lime Kool-Aid but it smelled like poop.

So Becca, be thinking of what beverage you want. And then see if you can catch me.

Now that the contest is over, I wonder why I should even go on blogging. Can I possible top myself?