padding-top:30px;
<
Google

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

A new era begins!

So I want to start doing book reviews here. So what I need from you is the title of a book you want me to review, who you are, if I'd like you, if you liked the book, and what the book's about (because I can't be going around reading everything) and I'll review it.
Perhaps some of you know of some of my other book reviews; the ones I do during my stand-up sets. I'm not doing those. Here's one sample book review:
A 1973 road atlas for northwestern Ohio.
"Irrelevant and beautiful. Impractical and precise. This book tells the meandering tale of the colors brown and green and, to a lesser extent, black. I found the Pennsylvania/Ohio border to be of particular interest, as it lends itself to an obvious sequel. And might I add, a welcomed sequel."
Come on people.

Monday, August 15, 2005

This blog.

Yesterday, my friend Steve told me that he reads this blog sometimes in Iraq. (He's not in the war. He just likes to shop there during the summer. He likes to buy a lot of candy class and liquid iron.) He said it makes him laugh.
That made me feel pretty good. Or at least I had to act like it did as Steve was walking away from me. Then I thought about it. Yeah, it made me feel pretty good. The point I'm trying to make is that I really should have thought about it first before I responded. But I think pretty slowly and Steve might have been gone by the time I said anything. And he might have taken that inevitable pause as me going catatonic or perhaps trying to menace him with a cold, hard stare (which would actually have been a cold, blank stare).
So I was in a quandry, you see.
I've been knocked out twice in my life (once wrestling and once in a car accident) and I recently read that people who've been knocked out twice or more in their lives have a higher instance of problems thinking and depression.
This happens frequently in my life. Someone says something to me and I'm in no condition to be replying to things but, because of certain social conventions and pressures, I do anyway. Results generally are positive but ever so often I say something like, "sure I'll work tomorrow" (when I've got a whole thing planned that day), "Yeah, I'll have mexican food." (when I already have a stomach flu) and, "Sure, let's get married." (Now I find out if my wife really reads this thing).
So next time you catch me in some random public walkway and you say, "Hey, I saw that movie you were talking about." I'm not gonna say anything because I don't know what you're talking about.
Also if you tell me to do something. You'd better tell me the same thing twice because sometimes I only remember the second to last thing that people request of me.
By the way, Yesterday, my friend Steve told me that he reads this blog sometimes in Iraq. (He's not in the war. He just likes to shop there during the summer. He likes to buy a lot of candy class and liquid iron.) He said it makes him laugh.
That made me feel pretty good. Or at least I had to act like it did as Steve was walking away from me. Then I thought about it. Yeah, it made me feel pretty good. The point I'm trying to make is that I really should have thought about it first before I responded. But I think pretty slowly and Steve might have been gone by the time I said anything. And he might have taken that inevitable pause as me going catatonic or perhaps trying to menace him with a cold, hard stare (which would actually have been a cold, blank stare). (see the joke here is a memory joke...so, in case you were wanting to check to see if I change anything the second time around, I promise, I'm not changing anything.)
So I was in a quandry, you see.
I've been knocked out twice in my life (once wrestling and once in a car accident) and I recently read that people who've been knocked out twice or more in their lives have a higher instance of problems thinking and depression.
This happens frequently in my life. Someone says something to me and I'm in no condition to be replying to things but, because of certain social conventions and pressures, I do anyway. Results generally are positive but ever so often I say something like, "sure I'll work tomorrow" (when I've got a whole thing planned that day), "Yeah, I'll have mexican food." (when I already have a stomach flu) and, "Sure, let's get married." (Now I find out if my wife really reads this thing). (See. I haven't changed anything so far. I don't know why you're still reading this.)
So next time you catch me in some random public walkway and you say, "Hey, I saw that movie you were talking about." I'm not gonna say anything because I don't know what you're talking about. (It was "The Aristocrats".)
Also if you tell me to do something. You'd better tell me the same thing twice because sometimes I only remember the second to last thing that people request of me.
OUT!